Rules of Headquarters
by songfire15
Summary: It's a rainy, boring day in the Military offices of Central. Riza entertains herself by writing some rules to live by. CRACK! Please read with an open mind! Chapter 6 is-finally-up!
1. Chapter 1

**So I had the urge to write some rules for FMA…**

**Many thanks to Ice around the Moon for allowing me to do such and be a beta-reader too!**

**Anyways, here ya go, and enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own FMA**

It was a horridly boring day. Rain was pouring down, the Colonel(much to everyone's surprise) had finished his paperwork, the Elric brothers were back in Resembol to recoup, there were no traces of Scar, and it was only one in the afternoon.

Riza stared blankly at the book she had been reading, Hamlet. She had always loved reading but today was just one of those days that reading just wasn't cutting it. Closing the book, she slid it over her desk to a corner and rested her chin on her hands. Her mind then wandered to the event when they had found Scar right in time before he had harmed the eldest Elric brother any more.

Roy had gotten cocky and handed her his gun as Alchemy was his preferred method of warfare, but it had been raining that day. She recalled making the Colonel fall flat on his butt and reminded him how he was useless in the rain.

Ah, good times.

Her hand lowered and her fingers began drumming the desk she was sitting at, considering the idea that calling the Colonel 'Useless' should be a rule of things NOT to do. She grabbed a piece of paper and wrote it down, along with a few other "rules" that came to mind.

RULE #1-Never ever, call the Colonel 'useless'

(Did that once…he didn't speak to me for a week)

(Though I had every right to call him that…it was raining)

(You just can't start a fire in the rain…Sorry Colonel)

RULE #2-Falman, try to be a tad less "smart"

(We all love that you have the memory of God, but seriously…)

(Reciting the dates of every blizzard we've had in Central was slightly boring)

(*snore*)

RULE #3-When using code names for undercover missions, never call Havoc "Jackie", it's always Jacqueline

(Feury was new and went to inform Havoc there was trouble)

("Jackie, we have a customer"; "What do you mean JACKIE? It's Jacqueline you idiot!")

(Right…Didn't know you went that way Second Lieutenant)

RULE #4-Make sure you keep conversation to a minimum when the Colonel is driving, he's easily distracted

(It was completely sunny out and I had mentioned something about paperwork…He still managed to run into a tree)

(Kids, do NOT try that at home)

RULE #5-Refrain from calling Edward any of the following: Short, tiny, puny, or any other words referring to him as small

(He may be small*did I say that?* but he has the temper of a rabid bear when teased about being…well, his height)

(I never call him that…but it's amusing when the Colonel gets on him about it)

(Al has to hold his brother back most of the time)

(Otherwise, I think we'd have huge hospital bills for all the physical harm Edward would cause)

RULE #6-Breda's fear of dogs should not be mentioned when he's in the room.

(When I first got Black Hayate, the poor guy was practically on the roof to get away from the dog)

(I could've sworn I saw tears in his eyes…)

(He's a very sensitive guy on the inside)

RULE #7-If you have to remind the Colonel to do something, make sure you do it a few times.

(The man would forget his head if it weren't attached to his shoulders)

("Sir, you need to stay at your post,"; "Alright Lieutenant, I will")

Two days later…

("Why the heck did you leave your post? Are you a complete IDIOT?"; "Alright, fine, that's it, I'm an idiot, happy now?")

(Never fails)

RULE #8-Make sure Feury's technological doo-dads are all working in tip top shape.

(Pop-Snap-Pop/Spark/Crackle…Silence)

(The Maintenance staff never heard the end of it with that one)

RULE #9-Tiny mini-skirts are prohibited.

("When I'm Furher, there will be changes. On that day, all female officers will be required to wear…TINY MINSKIRTS!")

(And you wonder why I question the Colonel's sanity)

(That law still hasn't made it passed the first vote… and hopefully never will)

(The day it does, I'm retiring)

RULE #10-If the Colonel gets drunk, don't let him buy flowers.

(Yea, 3,500 Cenz later)

(He still didn't find anyone to take them and had to keep them in his car)

(It smelled like roses for a week…AFTER having it steamed cleaned)

(Twice)

She looked at the paper and inwardly smirked. If any of the other officers saw this, she would be in trouble. Without even thinking, she crumpled up the sheet of paper to throw it away, but five men towering over her caused her to stop.

"There a problem boys?"

They all looked at each other, with the Colonel answering her question. "Whatcha got there, Lieutenant?"

Her eyes veered down at the balled up sheet and she gave a shrug. "Oh nothing, just something to keep me entertained." She tossed the list of rules in a nearby trashcan and stood. "Don't worry, it's nothing. Now if you'll excuse me."

With those words she left the room, leaving five very curious men behind. The men glanced at each other once more before leaving well enough alone and going about their business.

All but one…

**Haha, so what did you think-Funny, lame, stupid? Should I continue? Please tell me!**

**Reviews are welcome!-Sns615**


	2. Chapter 2

**OMGOSH I'm off to FLORIDA :D Totally Excited!**

**Anyway, I'm updating since I won't be for a while…and forgive any grammatical errors and such.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own FMA**

Fuery wasn't one to go against the rules or be nosy, but after seeing the crumpled sheet of paper that the Lieutenant had thrown away, his curiosity got the better of him.

Everyone had left for the day, even the Colonel and Fuery was finishing up some files for the Furher before he left. He was writing furiously, longing for a peek at the paper that had been nagging at him all day. With a final swipe of pen, he closed the current file he had been working on and put it neatly on the Colonel's desk.

He glanced outside the door's small window into the hall to make sure no one was around, God forbid anyone see him snooping around the Colonel's trashcan of all things.

As he opened the balled up piece of paper and read over it, he couldn't help but laugh aloud. Since when had Riza had such a sense of humor? He even found the rules about himself funny.

After he finished reading the list, he stuffed the paper in his briefcase and headed home. It had been a long day and a nice relaxing evening at home sounded exquisite.

When he arrived home, he took out the list Riza had made and began thinking. There were many other numerous "rules" that, even though they may not be blatantly obvious, the consequences of not following them would be quite…hairy.

Sitting down at his desk, he grabbed a sheet of paper and began writing a set of his own rules.

RULE #11-If attacked by a homunculus, don't shoot…RUN!

(I threw a gun at Hawkeye once and we both began shooting at the fat guy…)

(It was pointless)

(The thing commented that he would be having dinner and dessert once we ran out of bullets)

(Let's just say I'd rather stick to _eating_ rather being _eaten_, thank you very much)

RULE #12-Never let Havoc take care of your pets.

(When I found Black Hayate, no one would take him)

(Havoc grabbed the poor thing and was all the more glad to take him…after stating something about how dogs are a delicacy and they're delicious in stir-fry)

(O.O)

(Stay away from me you weirdo)

RULE #13-Never let the Colonel near electronical items or communication equipment.

("Attention, this is sector three patrol, we are under attack from Scar; request immediate back up! *Static* What? No! No! NOOOOO! *Static*)

(*Chuckle*"Alright, onto sector seventeen..Hehe this is pretty fun!")

(…And they say I'm easily amused…)

RULE #14-Make sure you keep the Colonel informed of your whereabouts.

(I heard once that he freaked out when he saw Major Armstrong at a post instead of the Lieutenant)

(*Busts out laughing*)

(I always knew there was something between those two)

RULE #15-BEWARE: Warehouse Thirteen DOES exist!

(I saw it!)

(Walked home a different way for a whole WEEK)

(They say it appears randomly, typically on full moons)

(Wait…tonight's a full moon isn't it?)

(*Shivers*)

(*COUGH* anyways…where was I?)

RULE #16-Don't get Full Metal confused with Alphonse, his younger brother

(Alphonse is the one made of metal, Edward is the Fullmetal Alchemist)

(Edward will chew your head off if you call his younger brother Fullmetal)

(I mistook Al for his brother at first…)

(Ed looked like he was gonna grab Hawkeye's gun and shoot me down that moment)

(Won't do that again, that's for sure)

RULE #17-If you're ever doing a surveillance log, make sure Havoc and Breda are far away from each other.

(Havoc just found out the Colonel had a date with his girlfriend and had begun to rant about how she was two-timing him and all that…Breda started cracking up)

("Dang Havoc, is that a surveillance log or a diary?"/"You take that back loser!"/"Looks who's talking!")

(Come on people, can't we all just get along?)

(Kum-bay-Yah, My Lord…Kum-bay-Yah…)

RULE #18-Never sleep in the same room as Falman.

(He snores like my Grandma)

(I didn't sleep a wink that night…)

(…And was rudely awakened each time I dozed off by the Lieutenant firing her pistol)

(I swear she uses her gun for everything…on everyone)

RULE #19-Always let the Colonel man the maps

(The Lieutenant can't even read them as well)

(One day we were driving to downtown Central and the Lieutenant was being the navigator)

(Thank goodness the Colonel was there)

("Hey, I think we need to take a right here"/"No Lieutenant, that's a left"/"We are going south, aren't we?")

(Yep…we had been going the wrong way the whole time)

(Thanks Lieutenant)

RULE #20-Whenever you watch the Colonel during a fight, make sure you are far…FAR away from the action…He is the flame alchemist after all.

(Edward fought the Colonel one time)

(The kid hid himself in the crowd and the Colonel taunted him about his height, causing Edward to flip a lid)

(Just so happened we were right in front of him and the Colonel used his magic gloves to make an explosion RIGHT where we were, causing mass chaos)

("Maybe I over did it?")

(GEEEEEZ, whatever gave you that idea Colonel?)

(I still have a burn scar and had to take my glasses to be repaired)

(Stupid people)

Putting the pen down, he gave a chuckle. That was more fun than he thought it would be, and with a satisfied grin, he put shoved the piece of paper inside the desk drawer, and another sheet in his briefcase, a file he had forgotten to bring that day.

He then crawled into bed and drifted off into sleep.

**Crappy ending…it happens. Hope this was just as funny as the first one lol**

**Thanks for reading-Sns615**


	3. Chapter 3

**Eh, sorry for the short chapter…Hopefully the next one will be longer!**

**Many thanks to those who reviewed! I really appreciate it.**

**And thanks to Ice Around the Moon for betaing for me!**

**On with the chappie…Oh, I don't own FMA btw lol**

"Fuery! What is the meaning of this?" Roy Mustang seethed as he shook Riza's set of rules.

The Sergeant cowered in fear. "I'm sorry, Sir." He gulped. "I must've grabbed the wrong paper last night and-"

"I don't care what your excuse is Sergeant! This is totally and completely unacceptable!"

Just then, Roy had a thought.

His eyes veered towards the papers sitting neatly on his desk, papers that needed to be signed, soon, then to the list Riza had made, finally landing on the Sergeant.

Roy's dark eyes met Fuery's, and a bright smile made its way onto the colonel's face as he patted the tech guru's shoulder. "Great work, Soldier!" The man beamed.

Fuery's eyes widened in fear as he slowly backed away, fearing his wellbeing may be in harm's way. "Sir, are you sure everything is ok?"

The gleam in his eye gave away the answer. "Great? I'm better than great! Have I ever said those are really great glasses you have, Sergeant?"

Without looking back, Fuery dashed out of the room that the crazed Colonel was in, praying his life was now safe…for now anyways.

Alone at last, Roy sat down at his desk and an evil laugh filled the room as he grabbed a piece of paper from his desk and snatched a pen from the cup that held the numerous pens he had acquired over the years. The paperwork could wait a little longer, and looking like you were at least being productive counted as work right?

RULE #21-Make sure Riza has extra hairclips at all times, whether it be in her uniform pocket or in the car. Those things are pretty much gold to her.

(After a scuffle, her clip had broken and she frantically searched her pockets for another one)

(She couldn't find any)

(I had to drive half an hour to this "special store" to get her a new one)

(Unfortunately, they were out and we had to drive another forty minutes to the same store in a different city)

(Obsessive much?)

RULE #22-Havoc, quit smoking!

(THOSE THINGS WILL KILL YOU, YA KNOW!)

(Ahem)

(Now that I have that off my chest, moving on)

RULE #23-Dogs are _the_ best creatures known to man. Period.

(They're loyal, obey your every command, and never once beg for a paycheck)

(They're cute too!)

(And plus, cats are lazy butt animals that make me sneeze…)

(Stupid allergies)

RULE #24-When I become Furher, all female officers WILL wear mini-skirts.

(You just wait Hawkeye...you just wait)

RULE #25-Remember people-never play with fire even if I do.

(I am a highly trained officer in the field of Flame Alchemy)

(Fire's just flippin' sweet anyways…except for that time I scorched Gruuman's new car…)

(Eh heh…oops)

RULE #26-Fuery, and anyone else stupid enough to believe the rumors, there is no such thing as Warehouse 13!

(It was the letter "B" remember?)

(How did I get such a pathetic staff again?)

(Oh right, I hired them!)

(Idiot)

RULE #27-If you ever come across a bone on military soil, check to make sure it wasn't the result of Hawkeye's dog.

(The thing brings bones like candy whenever Riza brings him to work)

(And we found a bone by the warehouses in the dead of night one time…)

(Thought it was a dead soldier aka a murder on military grounds)

(Hayate comes up just as we begin digging for remains and buries another dang bone)

(What a pain)

RULE #28-Please do not let the Lieutenant shoot me. Please!

(I know I told her she could shoot me from behind if I act like an idiot but...)

(The fact that she really WOULD shoot me if I did something stupid kinda scares me…)

(My life has more meaning than hers anyway!)

(Just kidding)

RULE #29-No matter how intriguing it sounds, or how much you want to get away from Central, requesting a post up north is a no-no.

(Major Armstrong would shoot me if I sent anyone up there)

(She thinks we're all soft men who don't have the guts to even be alive)

(Why would anyone want to be up there in the cold anyways?)

(Apparently her)

(You couldn't pay me enough to go up there...the woman scares me)

RULE #30-Speaking of the Major, if you ever flirt with her(I never have, never will, nor would I want to), be prepared to be shot, stabbed, punched, or any other torturous thing that woman can conjure up.

(Major General Raven apparently used that strategy to get her to become his ally)

(Didn't get him very far)

(Unless you consider dead a positive result of wooing someone)

(Like I said, you'll never see me flirting with the woman)

(Gag)

**Another horrid ending…Ugh. Anyways, hope you enjoyed the third Chapter! Reviews are always welcome! **

**Thanks for reading-Sns615**


	4. Chapter 4

**Omgosh, so I had THE longest day yesterday…**

**Thanks to Ice Around the Moon for listening to me rant about my day and for Beta-ing!**

**Anywho…here is the fourth chapter for RoH. I don't own FMA!**

"Ah, fresh air, no idiots telling me what to do, and a cigarette to keep me company. It doesn't get any better than this."

Havoc put his hands behind his head and rested under the shade of large Oak tree outside headquarters. Days like these were ones he enjoyed the most.

He closed his eyes and enjoyed the soft breeze…the soft laughing breeze.

Peeling an eye open, he heard the very familiar childish laugh owned by the Colonel; that could only mean one thing-trouble.

The dirt shifted as he put out the cigarette and walked to the building, making his way to the Colonel's office.

"Sir, everything alright?" He inquired as he entered the room, closing the door behind him with a click.

The dark haired man glanced up from the desk and glared. "I'm just peachy." He spat. "No thanks to my own idiotic self, I have two days worth of paper work to do and only one hour to do it! I'm just great, Havoc."

"What had you laughing earlier then, Chief? I was outside and-"

A sheet of paper fell to the floor in front of Havoc's feet. "That is the culprit."

The man bent down and picked up the paper and began reading it as the tip of Roy's pen continued sweeping across the pages needing to be signed.

"Did you write these, Roy?" The blonde questioned, taking a seat in the extra chair in front of the Colonel's desk.

"Sure did, and if you want to know where I got the idea, ask the Lieutenant or Fuery. They started the whole thing," The Colonel replied, not once looking up from the work he was doing. "Why don't you write some rules, Havoc? You should be able to write a few, right?"

"I don't know sir," he leaned back in the chair. "I'm not really the creative type. That's more of Armstrong's thing."

"Just do it, Havoc! That's an order!"

"You're ordering me to write some stupid rules?"

Roy looked up, an angry glaze covering his dark charcoal eyes, then he smiled. "Well, I figure you have nothing better to do, so why not give you something to do, eh, Second Lieutenant?"

Havoc cracked a smirk and walked over to the desk, grabbing a piece of paper and a pen before sitting back down in his prior spot and writing.

RULE #31-Never play the Colonel in Chess.

(He is way too smart for his own good sometimes)

(Cheater)

RULE #32-Falman, when on a mission, remain LOW KEY.

("Jean Havoc?"/"FALMAN! Don't you think I'm wearing this mask for a reason? I can't stand working with Amateurs!"/"AH! Erm…sorry about that!")

(NOOB!)

RULE #33-While we're on the topic of undercover missions, make sure you know who has what code name before addressing them.

("Alright, Kate, you there?"/"This isn't Kate, Sergeant, it's Elizabeth."/"Well, then who's Vanessa?")

(Again with the NOOB)

(I couldn't stop laughing after that incident)

(But we never got our names confused ever again…if that counts)

RULE #34-Ok people, we all know dogs are NOT good stir-fried in a meal, so get off my back about cooking Black Hayate.

(Come on, it was a JOKE!)

(Where's your sense of humor guys…Seriously)

(You won't see me eating a dog stir-fried)

(Nasty)

RULE #35-Never get on Major Armstrong's little sister's bad side.

(She may look small, but she has all the strength of the major himself)

(I saw her pick up a freaking piano!)

(And she still won't go on a date with me because of my "physique")

(-_-)

(Give me a break…and no we are not talking kit-kats here)

RULE #36-If you smoke, check to make sure the cigarette you're about to enjoy is not a piece of paper that might have important information on it.

(Breda got me a new pack one time and I took out a cigarette without even looking and was about to light it when he suddenly snatched the thing from my mouth)

(Apparently it had some chick's phone number on it or something)

(Why there was a phone number in my pack of cigarettes, I'll never know…)

(No, why he didn't give that number to ME I'll never know)

(Stealing all the girls for himself…jerk)

RULE #37-You know those car air freshener things? Keep them as far away from the Lieutenant as possible.

(Apparently she's really allergic to them)

(Fuery didn't know that and got her some as a stocking stuffer for Christmas one year)

(She stormed out of there like a bat outta you know where)

RULE #38-Keep chocolate away from her also.

(I once saw her eat a Hershey bar and Reese cups all in one sitting)

(Then she had hot chocolate later that night-on top of the chocolate covered espresso beans she bought at the café)

(How in the world does she stay so small? Geeeeez…)

RULE #39-Coffee is your friend.

(Unless you drink too much of it…)

(Then you'll start blabbering on like an idiot)

(The Colonel drank four cups of coffee one morning and started going on and on about some girl he met a year ago)

(There was no stopping him)

(Not even after the Lieutenant fired her pistol at him)

(Now THAT'S saying something)

RULE #40-Last but not least, always memorize your locker combinations and never EVER let ANYONE get a hold of it.

(Some of the things people keep in their lockers…)

(What are you looking at me for?)

(Geez, you'd think I was some kind of pervert or something)

**Hehe, I liked that last one lol**

**Anywho, thanks for reading! Reviews are always appreciated!-Sns615**


	5. Chapter 5

**Geez, sorry for the late update…I've been SO busy with school and everything. And it doesn't help that I had a touch of writers block in there as well :/**

**Anyways, Chapter 5 of Rules of Headquarters! Enjoy!**

**I do not own FMA**

As soon as he heard Havoc and the Colonel laughing, Lieutenant Breda knew something was up, and as he entered the Colonel's office, the two were laughing at a piece of paper. A piece of paper.

What was so funny about a sheet of paper?

"Rules, Sir?"

Mustang nodded slowly. "Yes. Rules we made for surviving in headquarters. Now of course they aren't official, but it was still fun to write."

He skimmed through the rules.

"Those are pretty good." He chuckled.

Though he would say it was quite a nuisance reading rules making fun of him and his irrational fear of dogs.

It wasn't his fault he was licked to death as child! That can be very traumatic to a seven year old boy, especially when the dog was a tiny Maltese. Let's not forget the time it bit his nose and made it bleed.

"What brought these about anyways?"

With a thrust, the Colonel's thumb pointed towards Hawkeye, who was innocently reading a book.

"Hey! Don't blame me, Fuery was the one who decided to dig in the trash for it."

Fuery? Dig in the trash? That was new…

"Now that's something you don't hear every day." He said, laying the paper back on the desk. "Oh, and Colonel, I have a date tonight."

"That's too bad, Breda, I think you should write a set of rules. We all have."

Now that _was_ just too bad. Writing rules just sounded oh so much fun in comparison to a date. Ha, Not so much.

"I think I'll pass. Thanks for the offer though."

"Don't think you'll get out of it Breda," Havoc suddenly chimed in. "He ordered me to write some down."

The Colonel just had to go and make this difficult didn't he? Well, if he got them to him by tomorrow…

"I will get them to you tomorrow, Sir." He said, affirming it with a salute. His superior gave a curt nod before going back to his paperwork. Breda then left the office and went home, his mind still on his date rather than writing some stupid rules.

As he sat patiently waiting, the thought of going on a date really sounded better and better each time he thought about it. It had been months since his last date.

But he was not expecting this.

The blonde, blue eyed, baby faced hottie he was waiting for was walking towards the restaurant he was at…

Carrying a dog.

He thanked alchemy the dog was little, but he didn't know how long he could last with that flea-bitten cannibal.

"Hey stud."

He quirked an eyebrow. If a girl called him stud, EVER, that definitely meant a one-time only date. The dog only compounded the problem.

"Hey." He squeaked, or at least what sounded like a squeak.

"How about we blow this joint? I gotta place…"

Breda sat there. Who in their right mind would date this floozy?(Mind you, that was putting it nicely), he would rather have Hawkeye chew him out before doing anything with this…this…just NO.

It wasn't like him to blow a date like this, but he heard enough.

Before she had even mentioned the dog, he bolted.

Slamming the door behind him, he wiped the sweat from his forehead. When had we met that woman?

At a bar.

Whatever the case, he was glad to be home, away from any wretched beasts or canines, whatever they were.

Then he remembered those stupid rules he promised the Colonel.

That dang Colonel.

He sighed. Might as well get the dastardly deed done with.

RULE #41-When going undercover in a disguise, make sure you are mentally prepared. Yes, I'm talking to you, Havoc.

"BUT I CAN'T DO THIS! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LEAD OUR TROOPS IN FENDING OFF A MAJOR SEIZE? I'm just a freakin' Lieutenant!"

(He still hasn't recovered from that one)

RULE #42-Even though it's been mentioned numerous times, please-Please-PLEASE leave me alone about stupid dogs.

(I've come to terms with my issue)

(To terms that they are scary, mean, horrid creatures who like to eat you!)

*sniffle*

(I hate dogs)

(Period.)

RULE #43-Never make a bet with Falman.

(The dude is psychic I swear!)

(Hmm…maybe I could get him to tell me my future…)

(Though he'd probably end up telling me I'm gonna die from being bitten by a dog)

(And getting some disease like rabies or cat scratch fever or something)

*shivers*

(Then again…maybe I'll pass on that one)

RULE #44-Do NOT diss on Major Armstrong's Sparkles.

(You know they've been passed down the Armstrong line for Generations)

(And he will strip…)

(Yea…Not a pretty sight there)

RULE #45-Always keep a flashlight with you when walking home with Fuery.

(Nyctophobia)

(He totally flipped out after seeing warehouse "13" that time at night)

(That was funny)

(Though I guess I can't say much…I was shaking in my boots too)

RULE #46-If the Colonel ever asks you to get him a few really random ingredients, do not argue, just get them.

("Pork, carbon, some ammonia? What is this?"/"The ingredients for well cooked course."/"HUMAN TRANSMUTATION!"/"Of course not…")

(He did end up saving Maria Ross's life thanks to that list…)

(But I think he made that fake body just to burn it)

(He has WAY too much fun with his alchemy sometimes…)

RULE #47-Keep all musical instruments away from Headquarters.

(I got stuck with the Tuba…those things are HEAVY!)

(Hawkeye tried playing flute...that wasn't going to happen)

(Fuery attempted to play the Clarinet; the squeak blew out my eardrums)

(The Colonel made somewhat of a beat on drums, but that died once he got a tad too extreme and went punk rock on us)

(Havoc grabbed a trumpet and managed to tear his lip from trying to make a sound)

(Falman took a trombone and apparently had played said instrument in high school)

(Unfortunately, his version of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" ending up sounding like a dead cow)

RULE #48-Do NOT make fun of my Code Name.

(It's Bradykins)

(Trust me, the moment I found out, I wanted to smack the Colonel upside the head)

(But I must say it's kinda grown on me)

(It has just the right amount of feminine charm with a touch of class)

*Sparkle*

RULE #49-If you ever attempt to meet with Dr. Marcoh, call ahead of time.

(His place was TRASHED when I went to ask him about the Philosopher's Stone)

(Ok, I know it was ransacked, but really, if you come home to a trashed place, don't you want to start cleaning up?)

(Maybe that's just me…)

(I have been told I'm obsessive compulsive)

RULE #50-Allow Major Armstrong to do the sketching of wanted Criminals.

(The guy has a knack for that kind of stuff)

(You could ask me, although my sketches would probably end up being stick people)

**There you have it; Please review!**

**Thanks for reading-Sns615**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ugh…I'm sorry for the late update. Life threw two major curveballs all within two weeks, and I have had major writer's block for this story…**

**Anyways, this probably won't make up for long wait, but I hope you enjoy it regardless.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA.**

Falman read Havoc's rules with the widest grin slapped on his face. He had read funny stuff before, but this topped them all. Havoc was close by, watching in utter amusement.

Falman turned towards Havoc. "This is GREAT! I've never read anything this funny before!"

"Then you better get to writing some rules or the Colonel is gonna order you to," Havoc warned.

"Seriously? Some stupid rules?" Surprise was etched on Falman's face, though he wouldn't put it by the Colonel to enforce such silliness. "I would write these even without his orders!" He answered.

"Only you, Falman, only you." Havoc shook his head in amusement, why would anyone want to write some stupid rules? He had already done his part, and now he got to see the poor saps that had not yet been ordered to write them get that fateful task. Yup, life was GOOD.

Falman went straight to the Colonel's office, bound and determined to get on his good side. It was best to be on his good side. Getting torched wasn't something he planned to add to his daily agenda. He knocked on the door, and hearing a grunt on the other side, entered the office.

He walked towards the desk, clicked his heels together and sharply saluted towards his superior. "Sir! I will gladly write the next set of rules."

"You actually WANT to write them? I was just joking with Havoc when I ordered him to write those you know. I'm not forcing anybody to write them, though I think it might fun to have Major Armstrong write a few…In fact, Warrant Officer Falman, would you please go inform Armstrong of his new assignment?"

Falman's arm dropped from the salute and his face twisted into a mixture of disappointment and disbelief.

"Sir, I thought you just said that you weren't forcing anybody to write the rules?"

Roy started to laugh. "I changed my mind. Would you please go locate Major Armstrong and ask him to write those rules?"

Falman lowered his head and brought up an arm to a rather sloppy salute. "Yes, Sir," he said.

After roaming the halls of Central Command, Falman still had found no trace of the Major, which was hard to believe considering how large the man was. He wasn't real close with Armstrong but looking past his large size and emotional tendencies, he was quite a nice fellow.

With no sign of the man in the barracks, the offices, or outside the building, Falman was beginning to get irritated. It wasn't like him to let something so trivial such as writing rules dampen his mood, but getting shot down to write them and having to inform some else to do so, was quite a nuisance.

He brought a hand up and rubbed his temples, trying to come up with places he hadn't looked. He looked up and saw a sign that said 'Mess Hall'. He entered the large room and scanned for the major, who would most likely be easy to spot considering his size. But it wasn't his size that caught his eye. It was the sparkles. The bright pink, sparkles. He walked over to the table and sat down, fixing himself across from Armstrong. He greeted him with a smile.

"Major, I have an assignment for you from the Colonel."

"From the Colonel huh? What does he want?"

"You see, people have been writing these rules, and he wants you to write the next set."

Armstrong smiled widely. "Of course! Writing and creativity has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!"

"Right. So you need to write ten rules that really aren't…well, rules, just things that should or shouldn't be done around headquarters." Falman continued.

"I will get on it now!" Armstrong stood and walked over to the tray belt and placed his tray on the continuously moving contraption.

Falman watched the large man walk away and he scowled. He would never get over being denied to write those rules. It wasn't like he was asking to take permanent leave or anything. His scowl quickly changed into an innocent smile when he saw Armstrong turn around and flick his hand, smiling at him. As the man left through the double doors heading back towards the barracks, Falman shot one last glare at his retreating form. That darn Colonel…

RULE #51-If you choose to date my younger sister Catherine, be warned: She only likes strong, muscular men.

(I know, that's mean…)

(But just look at these muscles!)

*FLEX*

(Aren't they just bursting with elegance and beauty!)

(Why of course they are! They've been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!)

RULE #52-Hugs fix EVERYTHING.

(We all were shocked when we found out the Colonel had "killed" Lieutenant Ross, but when we found her alive, I just couldn't contain myself)

("LIETUENANT ROSS! MY HEART IS BURSTING WITH HAPPINESS!")

(Ah yes, there is nothing like a big hug to show the emotions)

RULE #53-The best excuse to kidnap Edward Elric: His automail is broken.

(Works every time)

(Though that one time it didn't work, seeing as how his mechanic was currently in the same room when I politely…showed concern for his "broken" automail)

(The girl got suspicious and hit Edward with a wrench)

(Poor kid, his automail wasn't even broken)

RULE #54-Be sure to inform the Colonel before relieving someone of their post.

(Did that for the Lieutenant so she could use the latrine)

(I thought the Colonel was going to shoot me when he saw me instead of her)

(I don't know why though…I was just being nice)

RULE #55-Colonel, next time-make sure I have code name!

(I may not be part of the mission, but having a code name sounds quite interesting!)

(It's not nice to leave people out)

(I was thinking something like Georgina or something…that would do quite nicely)

(XD)

RULE #56-If you ever barge into the Colonel's office, you had better have a good explanation.

("Roy! How's it going?")

("Just fine Hughes.")

("Have you seen Elicia lately? She's getting so big!")

*Glare*

("Is there a different reason you're here, Hughes?")

*Shrug*

("THEN GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!)

RULE #57-On that note, don't call Lieutenant Hawkeye without a valid reason either.

("Hello there, Madam! This is your neighborhood florist!")

("What are you talking about, Colonel?")

("I kinda got drunk and bought a carful of flowers…Care to take some off my hands?")

("WHAT DO YOU MEAN BOUGHT A CARFUL OF FLOWERS?")

(And I thought my older sister's PMS was bad…)

(Good grief)

RULE #58-Keep Alphonse away from sheep.

(I think he had nightmares about them after sitting in that train car with them for so many hours…)

(He kept baa-ing in his sleep…and began leaping in the air at random times)

(It was pretty funny though)

RULE #59-When Fuehrer Bradley walks in unexpectedly, remain calm, cool, and collected.

("FURHER BRADLEY, Your Excellency!")

("Now, now, there's no need to worry. I'm here strictly to see how Fullmetal was doing.")

(You never know, he might just randomly jump out a window too…)

(Talk about tornado passing through)

RULE #60-Remember, always stay on my older sister's good side.

(She might just shoot you)

(Or make you scrap icicles off the awnings in a blizzard)

(Or even make you wallow in pain before making you do endless push-ups)

(Isn't my family all warm and fuzzy?)

**Eh, hope it wasn't too horrible lol**

**I also had planned to only have these six chapters then be done with this story. So, think I should continue? Please review and let me know! Thanks-~*SF15*~**


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